I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
