Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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