So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
