I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
