My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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