Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize