Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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