maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
