every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
