Apparently you make a good broom.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
