Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
