My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
