So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
