haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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