Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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