no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
