Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
