what day is it and did you see me today?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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