dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can i not drive my cunt home
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
