Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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