I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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