im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
