If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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