I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
