I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
