girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
