Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had sex on a roof
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
