he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
