pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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