I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you still have your period?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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