Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
