my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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