all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All the doctor said was why
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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