She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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