im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
