bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
