So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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