i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
