This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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