Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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