hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
