Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
