so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
