Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
