i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
