Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
