I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
