look no pants
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So much rum. So many feels.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
