He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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