i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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