Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize