Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
