Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
