I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
