Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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