but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
