hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize