I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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