This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
