you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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