even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
