I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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