my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
