worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im on a boat
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