The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You made out with two different species that night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
