The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
