I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
