You really coming over, don't trick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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