Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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