Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize