we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You have to summon your inner elephant
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
